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Blonde Jokes
Short Funny Blonde Jokes
Q: Why do blonds stick there heads out of the window of a moving car.
A: To fill up.
Q: How can you tell when a blond was baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: When you find M&M shells on the floor.
Q: What do you do when a Blond throws you a grenade?
A: Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Free Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
1)A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
2)A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
3)A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
Free Blonde Jokes :)
More Blonde Jokes
1)A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair done so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
2)Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
3)A blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told her,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" she said.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" she asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door."I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," she replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay her. "Oh, and by the way," said the blonde, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Free Blonde Jokes :)
And More Blonde Jokes
1)Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
2)A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
3)A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"
Free Blonde Jokes :)
And Yet More Blonde Jokes
1)There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
2)The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
3)Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!
Free Blonde Jokes
Short Blonde Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde give up snorting coke?
A: Because it was too hard to get the bottle up her nose.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned during spring training.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
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