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Free Texan Jokes
Trouble In Texas
Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite
restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing.
One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table,
took her face in his hands and said, "Kin ya swaller?" She shook her head no. "Kin ya
breathe?" Again she shakes her head no.
The Texan grabs her around the waist with one of his
hands, turns her over, pulls up her skirt,
pulls down her panties and licks her right on
the bottom! Of course the young woman was so shocked
that she coughed causing the food to dislodge. The big Texan pulls up her panties, pulls down her skirt, turns her right side up, tips his hat and returns to his seat.
"Yup" he says "That Hind Lick maneuver works
every time!"
Good Old Boys
Two good old boys from the
south were driving a truck through the back roads of Texas when they came to an overpass with a sign which read, "CLEARANCE: 11' 3".
They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 feet 4
inches tall.
"What do you think?" said one as they climbed back into the cab of the truck.
The driver looked to his left then to his right, checked the rear view mirrors, then shifted into first gear. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance," he said.
Clothing Sale
Bubba didn't know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea. The sign said "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".
Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Texas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best New York accent."
They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ......"
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Texas, aren't you?"
"Well...yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."
Pa Won't Like It
A Texan boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
Two Texans
Two Texans were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The other Texan replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
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