FREE Jokes!
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Free Jokes Written By April Sunea

From April Sunea (formerly homeless)

Don’t Be a Menace to Society While Riding Your Red Bike in
Santa Monica Drinking Odawalla or in Compton Where There
are a lot of Crips unless you’re Drinking Naked Juice

1. If you don’t have G.R. and Food Stamps, please go and apply for them A.S.A.P. You have to have less than $50.00 in your possession in order to qualify for G.R., (for you that means nada) and more than likely you shouldn’t have much trouble getting Food Stamps.
2. Buy a sleeping bag, one that can keep you warm in really cold weather conditions. If you live in Chicago, think Pluto.
3. Buy disinfectant spray...unless you enjoy coughing up green slime balls everyday. Don’t act like you’re grossed out. I know you’ve seen muuch worse (cock roaches the size of your foot, now that’s disgusting).
4. If you don’t prefer waiting in long lines to take a shower, you can try to find a bathroom made for single occupancy (for privacy’s sake) and take a sponge bath. If you’re residing in Santa Monica, there’s one located in the Starbucks on the Third Street Promenade, past Santa Monica Street. But the lines can be very long in there sometimes, so be patient. You can also use the ocean (beware of three headed, glowing, green fish).
5. Eat food only for nourishment, not for pleasure.
6. Buy a can opener. Why a can opener April, you ask? Because, you’ll save a lot more money eating out of cans rather than eating out. And in case of a nuclear attack, (you know that Bush) you’ll already be accustomed to it.
7. Are you a human being? You’re not a monkey are you? Then why do you smell like one? No monkeys allowed in my store! Get out! Get the picture.
8. Wash your clothes please. Don’t make other homeless people suffer the wrath of your urine stained pants. If you happen to have a friend who lives in a shelter with a washer and dryer, (if he or she doesn’t mind) maybe they can sneak in a little somethin’ somethin’ for you. You can also use the laundry mat. Priorities people, priorities!
9. One word, SSI. Actually its three initials. Whatever--just apply. Wacky, peg legged people only, please.
10. Free health care IS available. Find it, as soon as you can. We wouldn’t want an Ebola outbreak or something, wiping out our entire civilization, because you’re scared of needles, now would we? Also, you can find free health care through asking your social worker if you have one, asking your therapist, psychiatrist, or just going on the internet at a public library near you and looking for some services there.
11. Those with mental Health problems should definitely seek counseling and medication. Depression and Anxiety sucks, and so does thinking that you’re Super Man and jumping off of a ten story building singing R. Kelly’s; I Believe I Can Fly.
12. Do you like your brain? If you would like to be a good friend to it, keep it free of drugs and alcohol along with your body. And if you’d prefer two friends to one; you can make your lungs admire you, by discontinuing your smoking habits (you need as much oxygen as possible to run from the cops, when they’re out to mess with you because they’ve got nothin’ better to do).
13. Last words. Make it your goal to get off the streets. You deserve better, even if you may not think so, and you’re capable of better as well. Keep persevering. Find support groups. There are all kinds out there. Stay focused. Be compassionate...to yourself and towards others. Be patient, believe in yourself, and try to stay optimistic. No matter what your imaginary friend tries to tell you, the roaches and rats are not your only friends, besides him (tell him to stop being so possessive).

From April Sunea (a dogs best friend)

Bridget- Guess What?
Angela- What?
Bridget- I have a new pet. He was just shipped in from Alaska today.
Angela- Wow! I've always wanted a pet. What's his/her name?
Bridget- His name is Wolfie.
Angela- Hmmm, that's an interesting name. Why'd ya name him that?
Bridget- Because he's a wolf. Ain't he just the cutest thing you ever saw?
Angela- But-Brittany...uuhh, I mean, Bridget, it's a wolf.
Bridget- Well, duhh. My cousin had too many pet wolves
at his home near Alaska, so he decided to ship one to me.
Angela- O..K..but, can you teach him any tricks?
Bridget- Yea, sure. Every time I tell him to sic my landlord, he bights off one of his fingers every time.

From April Sunea (a cats worst nightmare)

There were two friends hanging out together. One was helping the other proof read an article she was writing about cats. "O.K., copy cat." Said one friend to the other. "What? Are you calling me a copy-cat. "No silly, copy cat, so that you can paste it."

From April Sunea (Death to America)

There were two men who died side by side, in a battle. One was American, the other was Pakistanian. After they breathed their last breath, their souls drifted out of their bodies, and floated side by side, waiting for what ever was going to happen next. Eventually, they saw this black shadow, appear out of the haze. Before they new it, they were face to face with the Grim Reaper. "So I see..." he said with a deep ominous voice, "One is American and one is Pakistanian...it looks like we're going to be waiting for a while until the demons finish inspecting your luggage for illegal smuggling of water into hell.