Shyness and Love

Someone wrote me recently about being shy. So I thought I would share this for all of us that are having trouble with or who have ever had trouble with shyness. I would hardly call myself shy these days. I’m usually the total opposite of shy now. But I used to be painfully shy. I had several friends in middle school and high school and I mostly got along with everyone. But if my best friend didn’t show up for school that day I would hide in the bathroom when I wasn’t in class. I didn’t feel worthy enough to be around others. When I was in high school I remember reading an article about friends and shyness that I will never forget. It helped change my life in the shyness department. It talked about how everyone has problems, and everyone can use a friend. How you can make their lives easier by being that friend. There are many things I have forgotten about the article, but I have found the gist of it has been proven over and over again to be true. You never know what people are going through. Sometimes the people that can seem to have it put together the most are the ones that need luv the most. If we realize that the person we are shy of could be going through something truly terrible, it becomes so much easier to put our own fears aside and reach out to them with luv.

When I was in middle school / junior high I remember a girl who was new to the school, who was so luving and would always hug everyone. I always pretended I didn’t want the hugs, that I was too cool for them and didn’t need anything or anybody. But the truth is I was starving inside for luv, and even though I always stood rigid when she hugged me I luved the fact that she did. I so wished with all my heart that I could be luving like her and show luv the way she did. I needed luv desperately with all the abuse I was going through and had gone through.

Even today I have to remind myself that instead of thinking about my little petty problems (like I’m always worried about my breath since I can’t afford to fix my teeth, and I have some scars, and maybe my feet stink, and maybe I have some horrid zits at the time), I have to say “ENOUGH” to my brain and think that I really have no idea what the person I’m standing by might be going through. They may be going through all sorts of abuse, or the person they luv the most in this world could be dying or have just died. The person could even be on the verge of killing himself or herself. Maybe what they are going through and have gone through is so horrible that they are thinking about killing others. Maybe you showing them some luv is the only thing that would keep them from going off, and doing something they would regret for the rest of their lives. Not to mention the fact that they might kill people you know and luv, or simply innocent wonderful people could be killed in the crossfire. When you think about it like that, how can we possibly worry about our own shyness when others need our luv so very much?

Instead of focusing on not feeling good enough about ourselves, instead of worrying that we might say or do something stupid etc, why don’t we tell our brains that all this thinking about ourselves and our worries is petty in comparison to the fact that others desperately need our luv. And when it comes to wanting the romantic kind of love, it’s all just as true; don’t think about you and your wants and needs. Just give luv and friendship, the romantic kind of love will come when it is ready to come, when we are ready to receive it. Meanwhile you will be growing many friendships that might eventually lead to the romantic kind of love, while helping so many people around you. Believe me as you put aside your shyness to help others, you will see that the more and more you get to know people; no one has it together fully. Be glad that they confide in you.

Even today I have a friend that I thought had it all figured out, things that end up upsetting me seem to fly off her back like nothing. But the more I put away my shyness about this (yes, even though I’ve gotten rid of most of my shyness, it still shows up sometimes) the more I find everyone has problems and everyone needs luv. I found out that even though she seems to have it all together with all that she’s been through, even she has bad days and moments. Even some of the best looking men and women I have ever known - I mean drop dead gorgeous - have problems and just need a true friend. You CAN get over being shy no matter what. It’s actually pretty easy when you think of it in this way. So go out and give luv and don’t worry about how they will respond to you or how they end up responding to you. Believe me they need it, even if they are like I used to be and don’t know how to receive it. They still need it. All my luv to you in this, our journey of growing together in luv, peace, and happiness. Until next time, just remember I luv you :)